Save the Dates: The Inspiration

Here's a tip, from me to you. When looking for inspiration for your save the a dates, do not, under any circumstance, do a google search for "STD pictures." Just trust me on this one, and you won't lose your lunch.

My step mom did graphic design work in the past, and still does some small projects occasionally. I asked her if she would be willing to design our STDs, and she said yes! So I threw a bunch of inspiration her way!

Inspiration #1: Mrs. Stripes Save the Date
I have a bit of a crush on Mrs. Stripes over at Weddingbee. I know, she's totally taken and all, and I suppose I am too. But everything she does is so amazing and I just want to eat it up, including this amazing Save the Date.

 

so freaking cute!

Inspiration #2: Classic & Mature Tree Themed STD.

See, we are having this kinda-sorta-it-just-fell-into-place tree theme. So we could incorporate that into our STDs as well. I mean, we are getting married in the fall, so it makes sense. But while this image is so pretty, it's a little...serious. Our wedding is hopefully going to be a colorful, fun, lovefest (um, but not an orgy). So I like this idea, but maybe tweaked a bit...

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Inspiration #3: Bit More Fun Tree Theme. The below image I love because it is more colorful! I love the carved initials in the tree, and the background colors of the sky and grass. I love the scrolly font with the more blocky font (yes, those are technical terms).

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I can't wait to see what my step mom comes up with, and get these babies out into the world so people can, of course, get their STD on! Where did you find your inspiration? Did you design them yourself or delegate?

What's the Problem?

Whenever I would read or hear about others' guest list woes, I never really understood what the big deal was. I would hear people griping about making their guest lists and think "What's the problem? Just write down your friends and family members' names, get their addresses, and be done with it!" Coworker invites herself? Just smile politely and respond "Oh, that's so sweet that you would want to attend our little wedding! We're keeping the ceremony really intimate though, so we're not inviting many people outside family and close friends." Parents want to invite thirty seven of their not so close friends? Just say no!

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Unfortunately, Nancy Reagan's campaign to just say no to drugs was actually marginally more successful than my campaign to just say no to unnecessary guest list additions. It turns out the whole guest list constructing is way, way, way more complex than I ever anticipated. Thinking and talking about who to invite to the wedding leads to many, many problems.

Problem #1: Remembering important people to invite. This is easier said than done, which might be obvious to all of you brilliant readers but was not obvious to little ol' me. I began by writing down my family members and friends names, his family and his friends, our mutual friends, and the professionals who would be attending. I mostly did this from my memory, which is poor at best. I think there is something wrong with the part of my brain that is supposed to remember things, because I can't remember anything. Ironically, I used to know what part of the brain did that...but now I can't remember!

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Anyways, I think the first time around I forgot a couple members of the wedding party, an immediate family member (I'm not saying who though!), and, ohmygod, I swear, as I was typing this I just realized that I also forgot my brother! EEK! This does not even begin to account for even MORE people who my other half has forgotten. I am living with increasing anxiety that we have forgotten some other important people. It sucks.

Problem #2: Of the people we managed to remember, deciding who gets an invite. We have a great group of friends and feel really blessed. However, as social relationships tend to be, some of our ties within this group of friends are stronger than others. There might be some periphery people on the outskirts of this group, maybe folks we see at large cookouts or parties, but not necessarily people we would hang out with one on one. So that's kind of one of the unofficial rules we have made, I guess. Maybe you're a cool person, and we like you, and we see you once a month or so at the bar/gym/party/sporting event, but if we don't have a meaningful relationship where we hang out individually OR if we are always the ones to initiate, you aren't getting an invite. Don't feel bad...it just means you don't have to get us a gift. You're welcome.

Problem #3: Responding to someone who asks if they are getting an invitation. Surprisingly enough, not just etiquette-ignorant people do this! I always thought the folks who invited themselves were, like, twenty year old cousins who just wanted free booze, or your friend's brand new hoochey girlfriend who wants everyone to know "We're next!" But nope, perfectly respectable adults with advanced degrees ask this question. And while we should have employed Nancy Regan's brief but effective strategy, we may have just smiled with a slightly stunned look and mumbled something that possibly could have been interpreted as a "yes" but actually meant "We'll see."

These people might be added to the B List, which means one of two things. It might mean we like you but you are a new friend and/or because of life changes, we aren't sure we will still be friends in a few months. Or, it means we feel guilty nixing you completely, so we are going to put you on the B List in case we have room for you at a later point in time. If you think you might be in this situation, don't even worry about it and please...don't call us, we'll call you...maybe.

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Problem #4: Responding to parents who want to invite people we have never heard mention of, ever, until now. We decided we didn't care who our parents invite. So far, they have been pretty  reasonable, although there are some names of people on there whom we have never met...or ever even heard mentioned. Some of the parents are contributing financially and others are not, and we are paying the difference. Whatever. We've got to pick our battles, and this is not one I feel like fighting.

Problem #5: Children. Ugh. Don't even get me started. We have yet to reach an agreement on this, but I am anti-children. I mean, anti-children at our wedding, not in general, obviously.

Right now our guest list is at 167, and we are not quite done yet. That is more than I would like, but what can we do? No really, I'm asking, what can we do?

Wedding Dress Legends and Lore

As a little Tar Heel girl, born and bred*, I have grown up hearing legends and tales that occurred (or still occur!) in my awesome state.  For instance, the Maco Light story.  Once upon a time near Wilmington, NC, at Maco Station, there was a flagman named Joe (or Charlie, maybe) and the train car he was on got disconnected from the train somehow. As ghosts stories seem to always go, his luck got even worse and to add insult to injury, another train sped up fast behind him. Joe (or Charlie) tried to wave his lantern frantically to avoid collision, but the train hit him anyways and he was decapitated. Surprisingly enough, his head was never found. Now he haunts the tracks as only a head with a swinging lantern. It's true (maybe). Even President Grover Cleveland saw the light (allegedly). You can read all about it here.

We are so scared.

There's tons of haunted houses and historic tales in North Carolina, but one legend stuck out more than the others. I would often hear about a mysterious woman who had an exceptional ability to help brides, especially in their darkest hour. People would mention her name at my childhood church in Wilmington...I heard her name again while an undergrad in Chapel Hill. Folks from both western and eastern North Carolina whispered about the tiny woman with the magnificent skills. I swear, I think she is even more famous than the Maco Light, if you can imagine.

She is best known, simply, as Olga. In fact, if you simply google "Olga raleigh," a site referencing her pops up. Not her site, mind you...she doesn't have one. Because, after all, she is a legend, and legends do not advertise, obviously.

Here are some excerpts from two popular wedding websites regarding Olga.
 

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Olga is, apparently, an alterations genius, angel, and savant all rolled into one. She has five star ratings on every website that references her, and I have never heard or read a negative statement about her, which is pretty freaking remarkable in this day and age of litigious and stressed out folks. What I have read indicates she is mysterious, her home (where she works from) is off the beaten path, and she is inexpensive. I've also heard she does a great job at adding cups to dresses for us less endowed girls.

I called Olga up about ten months in advance, and talked to her a bit about my dress. She seems to think since I just need the straps shortened, boobs cups added, and it either taken in or let out a tiny bit (depending on if I look pregnant or not...I mean, I'm NOT pregnant, but I don't want to look pregnant either, you know?), it should be no problem. Oh, and a wicked bustle constructed. Olga is also apparently a genius with the bustles too! I have already booked Olga for my fittings in September 2011. I have the 10am slot on each of the four Saturdays in September but if I don't need them all, I will auction them off pass them along to another lovely bride, of course.

I can't wait to meet Olga! I wonder if she will make me sign some confidentiality clause or if she will take a photo with me....

Do any legends (real or otherwise) feature in your wedding plans?

*I must come clean. While I was born and raised in North Carolina, I was bred to go to N.C. State (my family disowned me for awhile but things are mostly better now...mostly). I have a lot of love in my heart for the Tar Heels as well as the Wolfpack, but I never root for Duke. Ever.

Our Engagement Story: The Proposal

You probably previously perused my post on pressure prior to the proposal. OK, the Ps are annoying, I'll try to stop.

Anyway, it was Thanksgiving 2009, and no proposal. I was plenty pissed (ha!). But soon after, Mr. Magic assured me that he had a ring - presumably, The Ring. Then, he asked if I wanted to go to dinner on a weeknight, after work, to meet his best friend's parents. Oh also, this was on our faux anniversary...we can't remember when we met or got together, so we just made it up.

Normally on a weekday, after I go to my full time job I either go to my part time job or I go home and veg out (or I beg him to go out with me for Mexican food). I'm pretty lazy and not into going to fancy restaurants in the middle of the week so I knew something was up. Plus, his best friend is kind of like a brother to him...they have known each other forever. So meeting the best friend's parents was kind of like meeting The Magic Family all over again.

I'm no dummy. I knew that it went like this:
First get the approval of these important people, then get engaged.

I'm really familiar with the concept of "First - Then" because it is an effective strategy when working with folks with autism!

I got home from work, hurriedly threw on a black short sleeved blouse, my nice Banana Republic trousers, and some black heels. We went to dinner at the oh so yummy Spice Street. I don't remember precisely what I had, but it was probably the duck. I love the duck there.

Spice Street

I think the parents liked me just fine, especially since the mom looked pointedly at Mr. Magic and said something like "She seems like a nice girl...what's taking you so long?" My thoughts exactly!

After dinner, he asked if I wanted to go for a walk, maybe on campus. I balked at that idea because although we both went to UNC-Chapel Hill and it is a lovely campus, it's not very us. We didn't know each other while we were both in school there and we haven't spent any meaningful time on campus together. Since we had plans to watch the UNC - Michigan State game later that night at our local bar anyway, I suggested we head to Carrboro and walk under the Christmas lights there.

We wound up in a parking lot outside of Carr Mill Mall and Weaver Street, a hippie type all natural organic co-op grocery store that sells ear candles. Never used an ear candle, you say? I was told they "get all the evil out" by a friend, and we used to use them before exams in college. It was a fun way to procrastinate.

Please don't be jealous that your engagement story does not include reminiscing about ear candles.

It was a cold, clear Winter night and the white Christmas lights were twinkling above us (yes, I'm trying to get away from ear candles and back to the romance.) We walked about twenty feet away from the parking lot and I pointed out the statue of a woman (below). Despite taking French classes in this building for a year, I had never noticed this outdoor art...or the chuppah and fence that were made out of sticks.

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In my nervousness, I said "Hey look, it's a cupola." I meant to say it was a chuppah, but I, for some reason (nerves!), said "cupola" instead.

Fun Fact: One of my bridesmaids made out in a cupola in high school.
I am not saying which one though :coughBunnycough:.

Mr. Magic said "What's a cupola?" and I said "It's a thing Jewish people get married under...although this one looks a lot like those creepy sticks hanging from trees in the Blair Witch Project."

Creepy cupola/chuppah was actually very us because we love to watch scary movies like the Blair Witch Project!

He said "I think this is the perfect spot" or something like that, and got down on one knee (with a visual prompt from me) and asked me to marry him. I said yes (duh...winning!) but I had kept my gloves on, so when he went to put the ring on my finger, he couldn't! It was funny to me.

The ring was about three sizes too big because apparently my left hand is even more skeletal than my right, but who cared? We called our moms and then walked to the bar where a bunch of our friends were waiting to watch the game. We shared the big news and drank PBR. And the Heels won!

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In short, our engagement story happened on a Tuesday night. I think I ate duck. The weather was cold. We walked near a parking lot, under twinkle lights, near some sticks that looked like something straight out of the Blair Witch Project. We got engaged. We saw friends, drank PBR, and cheered the Heels on.

It was perfect, and perfectly us.

Was your engagement so you?

Our Engagement Story: Under Pressure

There was a lot of pressure for me to get engaged to Mr. Magic. Some of the pressure came from external sources, some from internal sources (like, you know, my mind). It’s kind of like when you had to identify whether a conflict in a novel was either man versus man, man versus himself, or man versus his environment. This was like a perfect storm of all these conflicts, which resulted into a lot of pressure on me.

So here's the real deal on how our engagement went down. I know some folks rewrite their how we met stories or proposal tales to make them shinier and happier, but life isn't always 100% shiny and happy. I didn't edit our less than romantic how we met story, and I'm going to be honest about our proposal story too.

Mr. Magic and I reunited at the end of 2004, and basically began living together soon after. Towards the end of 2005, I started talking engagement and marriage. I had just started my new career after graduating from UNC with a Masters in Social Work. We had a house and two cats. I felt like we were already "playing married" and thought we should make it legal. In my mind, I had us getting engaged in 2006 and getting married on October 27, 2007.

Yes, I had picked out the date. And isn't October 27, 2007 such a lovely date?

This is NOT the part where I say "Man, was I a crazy girl," because I don't think that is accurate or fair, nor do I think that statement sums up all the factors coming into play in our situation (which, while unique to us, I think many others can relate to).

Factor One: I think society, as a whole, puts pressure on us modern women that we should want to have it all, we can have it all, and we should have it all - so we need to make that happen, STAT! On the one hand, we are supposed to be successful career-having home-making breast feeding mothers. Actually, wait...I think that is enough for two hands!

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We are supposed to find a man (not a woman, society's not into that), and settle down, get married...but don't be desperate or fretful about it. We are supposed to move up in the career world, but not be too forceful or bitchy about it. And as mothers, we are supposed to basically be superheroes who use all organic products, breast feed, puree our own baby food, and God only knows what else - I don't know, because I am not a mother and haven't experienced the full brunt of societal expectations on that one.

Oh, and did I mention that us women need to do all this (career, spouse, kids) by age 35? [OK, that's my scary age for procreating. Your "scary age" might be slightly different, but science agrees still that having children after 35 has more risks...so get crackin' y'all!]

Mr. Magic loves My Cousin Vinny and does a great reenactment of this scene, which I think sums up my frustrations better than I ever could!

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Factor Two: Family pressures came into play as well. First I heard the "joking" remarks that I wrote about here. But later, it became more serious. "If he hasn't married you by now, he's never going to marry you." I heard this more than once from a close family member. I have no idea what this person's intentions were, if not to make me feel doubtful, resentful, angry, and sad (towards that person, myself, and Mr. Magic). Doubt makes people react in not good ways - like pleading "Just tell me if we are ever going to get married or not!!!!!!"

Factor Three: Anxiety. I am definitely one who is caught in the vicious circle of Anxiety and it's twin brother Depression. Know what makes people anxious? When they don't know what to expect in a given situation. I constantly perseverated on "When are we getting engaged?" and "When will we get married?" and "When are we planning on having all these kids that I don't even know for sure I want but I do know I'm getting older so we need to have these kids soon" and, scariest of all, "Are we ever actually going to get married?" Since I didn’t know what was going to happen, I became anxious, and then depressed, and then irritable. I was a joy to be around.

Factor Four: My personal history. My mother and father divorced when I was young. Both parents have remarried, but my mother is currently separating from my stepdad. In the past, I reacted to all this divorcing by being really anti-marriage. In fact, Mr. Magic once gave me this t-shirt as a funny gift!

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I still have it and wear it to bed sometimes!

But in the past five years, I changed my tune. I decided I wanted to be with Mr. M and for us to be together forever. To make that happen, I needed to cling to him like a barnacle. This may have been a bit suffocating.

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I also needed him to propose to me, as this promise was the first step in us being Together Forever. No, it doesn't make sense that I was (and still am) both totally embracing the sanctity of marriage and completely skeptical of it's longevity. I’m a Gemini, remember...that's just how I roll.

Factor Five: Communication was a problem for us, and still can be at some times. I'm direct and blunt and possibly inappropriate. I'm still not going to say I was acting "crazy" - I think again that folks are too general to label and judge in these situations (always labeling the woman, mind you). All the other factors were stressing me out, it was hard for us to talk about it, and I wasn’t getting an answer that would satisfy me.

We went to look at rings and I would feel hopeful. Months later, still no proposal and I would feel devastated. I was angry at myself for waiting, for wanting this so badly. I was angry at him for not proposing already. I was angry at those damn ring commercials that start playing in overdrive around the holidays.

By Thanksgiving 2009 there was no proposal. I had waited literally years and my October 27, 2007 date was long gone. I wasn’t getting the answers I needed. I'd watched friends, coworkers, and family members get engaged to people they had known for only a fraction of the time we had been together. I was starting to become really bitter.

It was, definitely, bad times but don't worry, it gets better because [SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!] we get engaged! Have you had a bad spot in your relationship?

Thank You.

for agreeing to buy this dress that you will never, ever wear again.

That's what I told my bridesmaids when we went to David's Bridal yesterday. I had looked at the David's Bridal website and saw that they had a dress similar to the cute pocket dress I posted about here...and David's Bridal had it for 99$!

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They had other cute dresses too, like these.

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So the girls tried on a bunch to see what they liked best. One interesting thing about the David's Bridal dressing rooms is that they do not have mirrors in the room...so you are forced to go outside the room to see what you look like. It's kinda weird. Anyway, the girls looked lovely in the dresses...see?

This dress is in the color Sangria, which might be the color we go with.

 Three of my bridesmaids in their chosen dresses!

I even got in the act myself. I tried on the charmeuse strapless pocket dress, thinking I could get it in white and wear it at the rehearsal.

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And I loved it! But the even better news is this: David's Bridal has a policy where if the bride buys her dress at DB, then each bridesmaid can get 20$ off their dresses. And, the above dress is listed as a Bridal Gown. I called and asked if this dress was eligible for the coupon booklet, and they said even though it was not supposed to be (I guess too inexpensive?), they would let me have it. Score!

I felt really relieved that we found some affordable options that the girls liked. We don't have to place the order until July, so I might keep an eye out and see if anything better rolls around (hello, Anthropologie, I'm talkin' 'bout you here!) but if not, I think these will work well.

I swear, this is such a relief. Did you feel like the bridesmaid dress hunt was a challenge? What was more important to you: price, style, or something else?

It has pockets! Yay!

Over the Christmas holidays, my little sis came up to stay with me and the Mister. I bought her lots of presents and fed her food and stuff, and in return she went and tried on approximately one million bridesmaids dresses. OK in actuality, it was, like, twenty five.

To try on these dresses, we went to discount bridal heaven, also known as the Bridal Mart (and formerly known as the Bridal Barn...awesome, no?).

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It might not look like much, but they carry a wide variety of brands at discount prices! And no, I am not paid to advertise. I just really, really, really like a good bargain.

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It's the Jim Hjelm Occasions that really sucked me in, as I am a total label whore! Surprisingly, their dresses were not as awesome as I expected. Sad. 

Because my lil sis is nineteen years old, five foot nine inches tall, and a size two, every single dress looked amazing on her. This made her both the best and worst model ever. She is the best model because if something only looked "meh" on her, it sure as hell wasn't going to look good on anyone else either.

Kind of blah, and what is up with the funky length?

But on the other hand, she is the worst model because even if a dress looked good on her, it did not mean the dress would look good on anyone else. I mean, don't get me wrong, all my bridesmaids are gorgeous and beautiful and lovely and stunning, but they are not 19 frickin' years old with no hips and no butt.

 

See? 19 with no hips and no butt.

I love this dress but I think it is a little slim fitting. 

WToo Bridesmaid Dress Style 826 

Here are the top contenders!

 

WToo Style #773

Oh lace keyhole back, how I love you, how I adore you, how I am putting you away because your price tag reads over 200$ at the Bridal Barn, and that is insane!!!

 

 Red dress. You are fine but mostly boring and I don't even remember where you came from. Yawn. 

Bari Jay #216.

This dress was cute, flattering, and came in a cute color. Plus, this dress keeps good company...see?

This is the above dress's friend....

Bari Jay #206. It has pockets! Yay!

I love this dress. LOVE it. I think it is the pockets. The dress is just so sassy to me!

Looking back on the twenty some pics we took, we realized a few things. One, these bridesmaids dresses kinda all look the same after awhile. Almost all the dresses are strapless. A little variety please, bridal designers? Two, pockets are rad. Three, shiny fabric might not go with cardigan sweaters like my original inspiration.

 

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Four, we needed sustenance. Enter Cook Out. Because nothing says "Thank you for trying on a bazillion dresses" like a burger, fries, and milkshake from Cook Out!

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Do you think shiny fabric (yes, that is a technical term) is too, um, shiny to pair with a cardigan sweater? How was your bridesmaid dress shopping experience?