Being married is awesome. But post wedding emotions are so confusing!
Like Mrs. Panther wrote about recently, I am having a lot of post-wedding feelings. Like, a LOT. And they are all jumbled up and are making me feel really confused and emotional and disorganized and stressed and happy.
First off, I think, like many of you who posted on Mrs. Panther's posts, I just feel a bit of a void where wedding planning was. At least if everything else sucked, like laundry and work, I could immerse myself in some wedding craft and imagine our Big Day. And when things in other areas slacked, I told myself "After the wedding, I'll tackle that." Well, now it's after the wedding, and there's a long, scary list of things that need to be dealt with but nothing to really daydream about, and frankly, it sucks. Like, literally is sucking the life out of me. Like a dementor.
Image via Twenteen Something
I'm also in this weird place where I get so happy when I look at pictures our friends have taken, but get really sad and disappointed and annoyed at certain things that did NOT happen. For instance, these ugly chairs which were supposed to be hidden away were in plain sight when people pulled up to our venue and while we were all walking out of the barn for the ceremony. Not cool.
Seriously? What is all that crap in the background????
Plus most of the poms I worked so hard on were not even displayed! Is this lack of follow through on someone else's part, or lack of communication on mine? I'm not sure...probably a combination. And yes, I KNOW these are tiny details but they are sticking in my brain and will not go away.
But...being married is so much better. I thought it would feel the same. I mean, Mr. M and I have been together for a bazillion years already. We've lived together for years. What could change?
It feels like it did change though, and in a really good, awesome, surprising way. I think we really are in the honeymoon phase. We're more careful with each other...we're kinder with each other...we've become a strong team that is working together. You know, in the whole twelve days we've been married.
But...that whole team approach mentality has also caused a lot of stress on me, because I am still in the "starting my own business" phase and am really feeling a lot of financial strain, especially after all those wedding costs. I'm worried I'm not contributing enough financially, or that I spent too much on the wedding. I'm freaked out that we're never gonna be able to have kids because we just can't afford them. Plus I want to go on another honeymoon already!
Then I feel guilty, for feeling like this after we had such a beautiful wedding and now I'm married to an awesome guy. Shouldn't I be totally blissed out?
Too many feelings. Can you relate?