"You Are Not a Desk"

This is what my famous seamstress, Olga Samarskaya, told me. OK, she might only be famous to us North Carolina brides. Maybe a few South Carolina and Virginia brides too. She is legend.

I had three dress fittings total. Sorry, I haven't showed you my dress yet, because I am a bad blogger paranoid and have decided it's bad luck. Besides, it's almost my wedding day, and if I have held out this long, I can wait a few weeks more.

Anyway, on my second dress fitting, I noticed parts of the dress were not lying flat. So I asked Olga, "Will this be smoother when the dress is steamed?" She replied, "No, honey, you are not a desk." Except she said it with her thick Russian accent, and I was all "..........................what???"

 

Image via Amish Direct Furniture

So once I understood that she actually had declared that I am not a desk, I was like "Oh, uh huh, ok...wait, what?" And then she smacked my hips and said "You are woman, you have curves." Oh. Ok, well yeah, that makes sense.

 Image via Gothic 4 Weddings

Aside: Pippa's dress is actually not hanging perfectly flat, either (even in pics when she is standing still). Also, I wonder what type of shape wear she is wearing, and if she has something to fill out her butt? Because she is pretty thin so I don't know where that tush comes from....

I maybe had a meltdown on the way home, wishing I had brought someone with me to see the dress on me, wondering if my hips were too wide, or if my butt too big, or my back curved in too much, or what the deal was that prevented the gown from lying perfectly against me. Until I googled my dress and realized it was like that on everyone, and also, that it looked way better on me than on the stupid model.

Obviously.*

Some other gems Olga said to me were:

"Don't be afraid of the dress. It's just fabric, that is all." Good advice!

"Don't forget about the boob job, mmmkay?" She said this as I was walking out the door after my last fitting. I was all "Olga! You told me not to wear a bra!" and she said "Normally, I say that. You, you need a bra. Push them up. Do not forget." OK, Olga. I got it.

And finally...

"This is my cat, Ninja. His full name is Big Fat Ninja Kitty. He is a Japanese Bobtail, that's why he is a Ninja."

*I say "Obviously" because I am trying to pump myself up to rock this gown. My latest concern is that my butt is too small, and that's why I'm wondering if Pippa wore some butt shapers. I totally bet she did.

Was your seamstress experience full of any pearls of wisdom?